mooseinthekitchen

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2006-07-20T01:25:00.000-07:00

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My apologies, guys (from Schnozz)

2006-07-19T23:35:00.000-07:00

I'm "helping" Moose. And by helping I mean destroying her blog. So this site will be in funkytown for a few hours while I work some stuff out. Thanks for your patience!

~Schnozz

Three Sticks of Butter = Well-Spent Evening

2006-07-19T18:18:00.000-07:00

I made molasses spice cookies last night. There are people who need cookies, and these people can't be ignored. Due to a certain recent incident, where a certain someone didn't get any cookies, it has been alleged that I eat more than my fair share of treats. This is a blatant lie. Besides, if it takes a certain unnamed faction a whole 24 hours to make its way to the cookie jar, you deserve to

I Like My OCD with a Side of ADD

2006-07-19T11:42:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was doing my yoga DVD. Because I have been told that yoga might help me relax and that I need to do more tree hugging. During the course of my yoga session, I hopped up no less than five times to do something else entirely.

[Standing mountain pose...] "I really need some soup. I think I'll make soup." Run to the kitchen and start slicing carrots. Dump carrots into pot, turn on stove,

I Like My OCD with a Side of ADD

2006-07-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was doing my yoga DVD. Because I have been told that yoga might help me relax and that I need to do more tree hugging already. During the course of my yoga session, I hopped up no less than five times to do something else entirely.

[Standing mountain pose...] "I really need some soup. I think I'll make soup." Run to the kitchen and start slicing carrots. Dump carrots into pot, turn on stove, be amused by frothing beef stock for awhile. "I was doing something, wasn't I?" Run back to the living room, unpause yoga DVD.

[Forward leaning muppet pose...(I really don't know what the poses are.] "I was going to clean my desk today, wasn't I?" Saunter to the desk and pick up a few pieces of paper. Come to 20 minutes later and realize I'm surfing the internet instead of raising my higher consciousness - or at least stretching out my hamstrings - with yoga.

[Sideways pitching elephant pose...] "Shit! The soup!" Race to the kitchen and gingerly probe the mess in the pot. Remember that soup takes, like, an hour and a half to cook and it's only been sitting there for 30 minutes. Responsibly set the timer. Return to yoga.

Guess how much I'm not relaxing while doing yoga this way?

The moral of this episode is that I have so many lists, so many things I think I should be doing, that I manage - somehow - not to get any of them done. In the midst of any and every task I pop up to check something else off the list. My to-do list even contains the action item "organize to-do lists."

I so wish I were kidding.

Hence, nothing gets done. The few things I do get done, do not get done well. Case in point, yoga. I need yoga because I need to learn to shut my damn brain off and enjoy some gently stretching platypus poses already. You can't accomplish this when your to-do list offers you a play-by-play of all the other things you could and should be doing.

Like right now. I should be on my way to the post office, so I can go to work, so I can be at work and avoid being fired. Instead, I'm still in my bathrobe and updating my blog.

Thirsty Work

2006-07-18T00:23:00.000-07:00

"I'm glad I know you're exaggerating. Otherwise I'd think you were a drunk."

Does anyone here not understand that I'm exaggerating? Anyone think I'm a drunk? If my own mother is a bit unclear, I thought it best to check with the rest of you.

Allow me to state, in no uncertain terms, that I am not a drunk. Just because I'm thinking about walking to the kitchen for a beer does not mean I'm a

My Summary of Events Follows Shortly*

2006-07-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

This made my day. I would like it to go on record that, at the time of the dish towel waving, I had consumed no alcohol whatsoever.

* In my world, "shortly" could mean tomorrow or next month or six years from now. Duly warned.

Why I Was on My Back and Drooling at 9:45 a.m.

2006-07-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

Things you want to hear from your dental hygienist: "My, what shiny smooth teeth you have. What perfect pink gums you have. May I take a picture of your sparkling grin for my scrapbook?"

Things you don't want to hear from your dental hygienist: "Wow. Ew. Do you even know what's back there? No, really. Yikes."

Guess which version I heard this morning before the 45 minutes of scraping began?

Why

There May Even Be Video Evidence

2006-07-12T17:34:00.000-07:00

T-minus two days until I humiliate myself in a kickline. I haven't participated in a kickline in 10 years. There's a reason for this. That reason being that I like my pelvis unshattered.

If you don't know what a kickline is - and, really, unless you're a fan of Chorus Line or were subjected to high school dance teams in the mid-90s, why should you? - I'll explain. Dancers stand in a straight